WELCOME

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. But I am finding I am more than that. Much more. In the following posts, I will share with you how I ended up as an attraction to pedophile priests. And how I have been able to become who I am today despite the secret, bizzarre existance I have survived. I am someone who is confident, enjoys life and is able to determine my boundaries, and require that they be respected.

What I will share will be my own thoughts, fellings, and experiences. And though some may be common amoung survivors, I respect that each person's experience is tempered by that person's basic personality, home life, economic, ethnic and many other factors that makes each person's experiences unique.

I will not include details of the acts themselves. For me, it has been most helpful to look beyond and focus on the effects of the abuse. How was I, a helpless little child, able to survive the depraved treatment by those I should have been able to trust? What are the thoughts or ways of coping that helped me survive? Which ones no longer work for me, or worse, create more problems? How do I see myself? Am I in charge of what happens to

me or do I feel obligated to do things I really do not want to do?

Healing is a gradual process. Stumbling over my best efforts has been frustrating. But those times have also provided opportunities to explore the undiscovered parts of myself that I need to become more aware of. It's hard. It's painful. At times, it's very frightening. But the rewards are liberating, motivating and life-giving.